Archive for October, 2008

for what it’s worth, it’s not worth it

I came up with a perfect YM status slash Friendster shoutout that would trump all statuses slash shoutouts out there except that the “it” is really worth it. No matter how I think otherwise. It gets really old talking about my wounded feelings, the ever broken heart of mine and the seemingly endless cycle of love and be left in the cold again. So I’m going to talk about something else.

If I wasn’t previously in love with Ed Westwick (a.k.a. Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl), I am now. Did anybody know that he’s British? Bloody hell! And nobody cared to tell me? Lurve the accent. Why do we always fall for the English charm?

Have you ever wanted something so bad and when finally you got it, it came and bit you in the ass? Well, I did. Earlier today, right after my grueling 9 hour and 30 minute shift, I proceeded to take an assessment exam that took me another 2 freakin’ hours. That was a pretty huge setback. I could’ve gone to the doctor, gotten a medical certificate then drop it off in the office then go home in a span of two hours but no. I had to endure the looooooooong (emphasis on the “o”, as you can see) exam and come out looking like a hag. Insert shudder here. So where does the biting begin?

Let’s backtrack a bit more…At around 4:30 AM, I went out for a you-know-what. It was drizzling a bit. The air was steady but the surrounding was cool enough I was having visions of me on my bed…sleeping! Burrowed in the covers, lusting over who my hormones were after at that time. In the midst of all those salivating, I half-heartedly commented on why the rain pours more during the night while the sun imposes its rage during the day. Apparently, the sun and its perversely stone-cold heart doesn’t care how I toss and turn for hours trying to get a good day sleep. So when I finally got out of the office, it was raining but not too hard that I would need to take a cab. I had to walk across the street to take a jeepney and go to my mum.

Let’s see…so a wet backside, water on my sandals and raindrops on my ironed hair. God gave me what I wanted right? To have rain in the day instead? So why the hell am I muttering curses under my breath?

not the jealous type

what’s that? oh. what, you may ask, is that crashing sound in the background? that’s my already broken heart shattered again into a million tiny pieces. thank you very much.

there’s a lesson to learn here. a lesson i should’ve learned years ago. i never should’ve used my heart. because if i used it, i hurt more and i don’t like this feeling.

it’s been a month and how am i doing? honestly, i don’t know. there are times that i just wake up, go to work, come home and not have a single clue what happened during the day. nothing really matters anyway, so why bother trying to be happy?

i have never felt so alone in my entire life. this is driving me crazy! one minute i’m ridiculously happy because someone bothered to care, then i’d be hoping that that certain somebody would care enough to miss me the next.

you are an idiot, lip. you will always be an idiot whose sole purpose in life is to destroy your own.

perfect.

P.S.
i am not the jealous type. there are just times when i wish i could take someone’s place.

jealous of the one whose arms are around you, if she’s keeping you satisfied

is she?