Have you ever been stuck in limbo? I have. And I’m telling you, you never want to be in my position.
Everyday I wake up praying for the strength to continue living on as if everything is okay. As if I didn’t just get my heart broken. I immerse myself with work to avoid feeling the pain and misery thinking that I could put them away just for 8 hours. Friends may think the laughing me had no worries at all. They just don’t know the battle that is going on inside of me. Alone at night, the loneliness engulfs me breathing is almost impossible. One breath at a time, I tell myself. Life is a blessing after all.
My best defense is the world that I build around me. In my mind I am happy. In my mind I replay over and over the memories I want to happen again. I long to smile the kind of smile that reaches my eyes. I crave to laugh the kind of laugh that touches my heart. I want to wake up each day with peace in my mind and joy in my heart. Sadly it’ll take years to gain my momentum back.
Each day when I wake up, my body goes on auto-pilot. I move the way I used to. I talk the way I used to. I look the way I used to but I know in my heart I have changed. In the aftermath of his decision I grew up. There is no such thing as happy ever after. There is no such thing as birds and the bees. I refuse to acknowledge the word love.
One thing’s for sure. I will never get out of this unscathed. So if I go jaded and you worry about me, don’t be. This is my decision. If this is what it feels to love, why would I ever love again?
I hate it. I hate that it’s so hard and that you can hurt me so much.
-Buffy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
kulot Said:
on September 4, 2008 at 12:42 pm
i feel you lip… as much as i’m handling my own battle, struggling to get through everyday, i have realized that i still go back to my overly used motto – “everything happens for a reason” though these reasons may not always be good to accept, this is how life is, we have to deal with it. and i quote brandon for this “love hurts but sometimes it’s a good hurt, and it feels like i’m alive” (bow)
liplip Said:
on September 4, 2008 at 12:48 pm
for the first time lot, nahan au ko sa imong gsuwat…im not saying na d ka maau musuwat pero straight to the point au…i love it!!!
aw…i *&%$ it…d nmn diay na nko i-recognize na word…
Prettygurl Said:
on September 5, 2008 at 12:55 am
what is this? what is this? hehe
It’s ok gurls. We all go through pain and it is in pain that we grow. (familiar dai lip?) There may be no more birds and bees but there are still flowers and trees- that alone should give us reason to move on. Our lives are just starting to unfold before us and we have a long way to go. We will have our happy endings, I believe we will and I refuse to believe otherwise. (stubborn much?)
The beautiful thing we have is our ability to still laugh amidst all this outbreak, heartbreak and all the breaks ever known to mankind. Despite the pain, we can still smile. Despite the ache, we can still afford to laugh, even if it’s at our own expenses. The point, ladies, is that we can still laugh. So maybe there is hope after all. *wink wink*
liplip Said:
on September 7, 2008 at 9:00 am
yes we have hope…friends bya ta niya…hihi
see? i’m laughing already…hilarious!
(headbang)