Archive for January, 2008

sCrEamO

{ January 18, 2008 @ 3:24 am } · { Solitude }
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Why was I freaking awake at 4:30 in the morning?

Here’s a why. A disturbing dream of mine occured. In my dream I was crying hysterically, restrained by two or three people yelling at him. He, who just sat there and giving me a blank stare while I was screaming at him with all that I had. The blank stare could only mean one thing. That he doesn’t care about me the way he used to. So I woke up crying at 4:30 in the friggin’ morning.

What could this mean?

I was supposed to write this yesterday but seeing as I got my hands full the entire day, the only thing I could do was research about my dream.

Crying  Emotional release. Grief. Domestic trials are on the way. Emotions need to be released.

Yelling  Pain or enthusiasm. Emotional release. Strong need for expression.

- from The Meaning of Your Dreams – A Dream Dictionary (http://petrix.com/dreams/)

Cry
To dream that you are crying, signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and a way to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In our daily lives, we tend to ignore, deny, or repress our feelings. But in our dream state, our defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of such emotions. 

To wake up crying, represents some suppressed hurt or previous trauma that is coming up to the surface. You can no longer suppress these emotions. They need to be dealt with head on.

Yelling
To dream that you or someone is yelling, represents repressed anger that need to be expressed.

Scream
To dream that you are screaming, symbolizes anger and fear. It is an expression of your powerful emotions which you have kept pent up inside.

- from Dream Moods – What’s in your dream? (http://www.dreammoods.com/)

This could only mean one thing. I am surely, irrevocably going insane. And I definitely agree with what my dream is telling me. Though shall not suppress feelings especially the negative ones. I have been hiding these feelings for so long that it only seems natural for me to feel angered, hurt or depressed. Mastering the art of smiling without reaching my eyes or touching my heart is the key. When they take a look at me, they couldn’t tell. And I am planning to continue smiling until I goddamn accept the fact that there are just some things that are NOT meant to be. 

the bum chronicles

{ January 8, 2008 @ 6:49 am } · { Solitude }
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I was a bit troubled yesterday, you see. I’ve gotten me’self wet early in the morning which totally trampled the “waking up at an ungodly hour just to do my hair” routine. Hence, the troubled state I was in. So thoughout the course of the day, I was in a psuedo, quasi bad mood.

You liar you! Are you sure that the rain was the only reason for your distress?

Thank you conscience. You can shut up now.

With the help of my trusted Irish friends (Thanks BTW to The Corrs), I was mellowed a bit. Albeit teary eyed but soothed nonetheless.

Is bawling your eyes out now called teary eyed? Strange. I thought it was called a breakdown.

Hey! It happened one time! ONE TIME! Alright, two! But who’s counting?

At the end of the day, I decided that I very much wanted to be alone and walking from the office to the main road seemed to be the best option. Armed with my bag, my umbrella turned walking stick and my heart stopping smile, I started walking. I haven’t even reached the end of my 500m walk, my heart was already longing for a cab. Gone was the idea of saving money by riding a tricycle but what the hell? I’m not working my ass off for nothing. And besides what good is walking if you have no one else to talk to.

There ain’t nothing better than the traffic in the Philippines. I mean you could actually take a nap for say, 5 minutes and you’d still be in the same place. Yet being the overly paranoid person that I am, I decided not to sleep lest I might miss my destination (which is about 2km from work). Trying to stay awake was no easy feat. Like I said. Traffic was helluva fun.

In the long run, instead of my weary eyes taking a rest, twas my bum who took the oppurtunity to take a nap. Imagine that. You lazy, lazy bum you! If it hadn’t been for the eagerness of the next passenger to jump in the cab which by the way, annoyed me to no end, my bum wouldn’t have woken up and that would have been such a bummer.

Get it? BUMmer. hehehe.

I am not amused.

Go away you evil concubine!

wish

{ January 7, 2008 @ 3:32 am } · { Solitude }
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i had a wish…
One that i know will never come true.
So i made other wishes and hoped all of them will come true.
i wish i never noticed you.
i wish i never smiled at you.
i wish i never felt this feeling i have for you.
i wish you have never noticed me.
i wish you have never smiled at me.
i wish you have never told me what you feel.
i wish i’ve never met you.
No.
Wait.
Scratch that.
i wish i met you.
Right before you met her.