depression

{ August 7, 2008 @ 8:03 am } · { Solitude }
{ Tags: , , , } · { Comments (1) }

As I was sitting patiently (yes I was patient after waiting for about a week for the goddamn SSS system to be fixed) while munching on chips and reading a local newspaper, I came across this column, JokeBox (Sun Star Cebu August 07, 2008 issue; page B4). For the day they were featuring fractured wisdom. I read something which will make the reader crack up I guess. Though I did manage to stifle a laugh, the joke actually got stuck in my head. “Depression is merely anger without any enthusiasm.” So true, isn’t it? Around an hour or two later I looked up to see this woman wearing a green shirt with the phrase, “Love has failed me.”

Okay.

Is everyone out to get me or something? What is this? Do they have to rub it in?! Inwardly I sighed. It’s no use being peeved at something so trivial.

You know what? I was indeed aggravated although it was overshadowed by the fact that I finally got my static information sheet after a really long wait. Like a six-day wait dammit! Screw this. Like I said, I’m much too tired to write about something of value. And just for the record, I usually have a perfectly good reason for my emotional outbursts. Although the reason comes a bit after I have calmed down and realized what I have done.

Again, I’ll leave with a stanza from Boys Like Girls’ first single, Hero / Heroine:

I never thought that you could break me apart. I keep a sinister smile and a hole in my heart

tired

{ August 5, 2008 @ 10:49 am } · { Uncategorized }
{ Tags: } · { Comments }

i have been incognito for like a month now i guess. i’m too tired to write anything, too frustrated to even think straight…

i thought of this song just now. dunno if it’s appropriate for what i’m feeling.

to let go or not to let go? that is the question.

Here In My Heart
Diane Warren

Sometimes there’s a time you must say goodbye
Though it hurts you must learn to try
I know I’ve got to let you go
But I know anywhere you go
You’ll never be far
‘Cause like the light of a bright star
You’ll keep shining in my life
You’re gonna be right

Here in my heart
That’s where you’ll be
You’ll be with me
Here in my heart
No distance can keep us apart
Long as you’re here in my heart

Won’t be any tears falling from these eyes
‘Cause when love’s true love never dies
It stays alive forever
Time can’t take away what love we had
I will remember our time together
You might think our time is through
But I’ll still have you

Here in my heart
That’s where you’ll be
You’ll be with me
Here in my heart
No distance can keep us apart
Long as you’re here in my heart

I know you’ll be back again
And ’till then
My love is waiting

Here in my heart
That’s where you’ll be
You’ll be with me
Here in my heart
No distance can keep us apart
Long as you’re here in my heart

Here in my heart
That’s where you’ll be
You’ll be with me
Here in my heart
No distance can keep us apart
Long as you’re here in my heart

Of frustrations, oil price hikes and public restrooms

{ July 18, 2008 @ 3:40 am } · { Uncategorized }
{ Tags: , , , , , , } · { Comments (4) }

Yesterday wasn’t a complete failure but not a success either. It’s like the job that I wanted (though not for a long term period) was within reach. Just an inch closer and I’ve got it within the palm of my hand but the more I moved closer, the farther it inches away. Yep. This is what frustration is like.

 

So after a rather aggravating situation, my friend, Mona Lisa and I set off to SM to chillax*.  With the really hot weather, we so need the A/C to cool our minds and irritation towards evil companies who don’t know an exceptional employee material when they see one. Tsk! And of course to pay the long overdue bill I have with Smart. As we were walking around, carefully avoiding Candy Corner stalls, we noticed that more and more people were crowding the mall. I thought the whole country was suffering from the oil price hike, the malevolent force responsible for activating a chain reaction of an increase in pretty much everything. But the people lounging around and/or shopping disproved that the majority was at a precarious situation of money loss. The mounting shopping bags at each hand were evidence enough. Or was that because there was a sale? Or were they just there to escape the heat outside?

 

Sale or no sale, shouldn’t the people be saving enough for the future when the worst is yet to come? Yeah. That should be the case. But humans are complex creatures as compared to animals having only one thing in mind. Hey! Not sex. Get your mind off the gutter. I’m talking about survival and procreating just happens to be a way of surviving. Humans, on the other hand, have to satisfy both needs and wants, more so with the wants thus overshadowing the needs. Like the other day, I just got my hair done and…wait. Bad, bad example. Don’t follow me. Got. To. Save. Up. Hmmm…I wonder how much Girbaud wallets cost nowadays. What? I need a wallet. I got robbed remember? Now this is what big brothers are for. (evil grin)

 

Anyway, enough about saving and on to a more pressing topic. Let me tell you a tip when nature calls and you find yourself lining up in restrooms stalls waiting for your turn and enduring the horrifying odour you force yourself not to gag. In most crowded places specifically the malls, this is usually the case. However, I found a perfect way to outwit the general public. It is common knowledge that SM has expanded, making room for people of all classes to shop and just hang. As a result, SM Northwing and the kick-ass parking lot were created. But do all of you know that in the parking lot, there are lounge areas with TV sets for waiting drivers and concealed public restrooms? I say concealed because not everybody knows about them and at a glance you’d think they were just elevators. I found out about them not because I am a genius but because my brother is. Before, my dad and bro used to hate going to SM because parking was such as hassle. With the new parking lot, parking is now a breeze. My brother absolutely loved parking there, never mind that he gets dizzy at times. He is also an H²O junkie and so he needs to pee like most of the time. (He’s going to kill me when he knows about this!) Imagine my surprise, when he told me there were restrooms in the parking lot. Clean restrooms. Crowd-free restrooms. (Insert hallelujahs in here) And being the evil person that I am, I’m saying nothing on where they’re all located. (poolparty)

 

So now I part with a line from Jordin Sparks’ new single, One Step at a Time. When I think about this song and its video, I immediately think about Jordin’s green Manolo-esque sandals. Oohh La La! Gorgeous!

It’s gonna happen and it’s supposed to happen that we find the reasons why one step at a time

housebroken, stolen…

{ July 7, 2008 @ 4:05 am } · { Solitude }
{ Tags: , , } · { Comments (4) }

First I lost my job. Now, I lost my freaking handbag along with my wallet and cellphone. I didn’t really lose them but someone stole them from right under my nose, so to speak. Somebody out there must be having a laugh at my expense. Yes, I’ve heard about the movie A Series of Unfortunate Events but I never really thought it happens in real life. Well, I do now.

Last Friday, a friend of mine and I went to the movies to watch Wanted. With everything that’s happened in our lives lately, our minds were crying out for a scapegoat and entering another world for just a few hours was just what we needed. The movie was good (the Jolie factor is always a plus) although quite unrealistic. Perfect scapegoat material. James McAvoy played his part so well that you can see the transition from him being an anxiety-plagued nothing to someone who made a difference in the world or at least to the characters involved in the film. What drew me most to the movie was the last line he said before the cast and production credits. “This is me taking control of my life. What the fuck have you done lately?” I made a mental note to answer this question when I have the time to sort out my thoughts. I felt that the answer was somewhat like a key to unlock life’s mysteries. Yet that night, even until the brink of sleep, I came up with nothing.

Today, I read a column written by a former colleague of mine. She said that people often miss out on the simple things in life because most of the time, she and perhaps one third of the Philippine population, are very busy. Well, I’ll tell you something. I’d rather have sleepless nights, hideous eye bags and down-the-drain social life than having NOTHING to do at all. I’d change what I have now for yours in a heartbeat. You do not know what it’s like having something taken away from you; to wake up one morning and realize that everything you’ve worked hard for in the past year amounts to nothing but a priceless piece of paper, crumpled and thrown away. Granted, this experience made me stronger and wiser but this has shaken me to the core.

Now you ask me, what have I been doing lately? Still nothing, sadly. It’s like the reigns of my life are somewhere abandoned and unattended. But I do guarantee you this. The Wanted experience has changed my life forever. I am now determined to search for that key or that answer in every nook and cranny even if it takes a lifetime.

Uhm, that’ll take a really long time, right? Maybe I’ll just go back to drooling over Mr. McAvoy’s abs. Or thinking of ways to torture the faceless robbers that’ll leave them screaming for me to end their lives…Yeah. Much better.

Just kidding!

what ever happened to you and me?

{ June 25, 2008 @ 4:55 pm } · { Solitude }
{ Tags: , , , , , , } · { Comments (4) }

First I want to congratulate myself for passing the Civil Service Exam. I’m so happy I’m doing cartwheels in my head. No. Not really.

 

Secondly, I wanted to apologize for being incommunicado for about a week. Actually, I wasn’t. I just wasn’t into writing mode if you know what I mean. Writer’s block. Whatever.

 

My friends and I were supposed to go to Camotes to spend an overdue and much needed summer breakaway but no. I forgot that this month is June. June’s like the opening of typhoon season. Kids are jumping up and down because classes could be cancelled with no imminent warning. And… blackboards may be wet. Ugh! I hate being an adult. Could I just be a student forever? Struggling over Java exams and mind boggling programming codes I can take but struggling to make a living? No. Scratch that. Make that “find” a living. Oh this shit is beyond what we call everyday challenges. This is like the ultimate challenge, the mother of all challenges, Fear-Factor-never-saw-this-coming kind of challenge…

 

Shut. Up. Get over it. The rest of them did. So should you. Thank you my dear self. I needed that.

 

Where was I before my mindless ranting? Ah yes. Camotes. I was so looking forward to two days of worry-free, fun-filled adventure. Darn that Frank. No. Not my dad. Duh! The typhoon. So I was just stuck at home for the past weekend listening to the wind ravishing the trees outside. Stop! That sounds so revolting. Anyway, it did not rain that Saturday night so my family and I, along with the rest of my relatives, went to church. My cousin was rambling about the forthcoming August 08. She said she wanted to get married that day. I think this may have been because eight is her favorite number and getting married at that date would mean she’s uhm…getting married on 08-08-08. Get it? August 08, 2008.

 

The funny thing was she’s never had a boyfriend before, never cared to have one and probably won’t ever have one if she can help it. Then why the hell was she planning to get married on the said date? Beats me. In more ways than one, like our looks perhaps (except the height. ALWAYS except the height. Sarcasm inserted here.), we’re a lot alike. Like never having a boyfriend and obviously being neurotic. That may be a bit harsh. Eccentric is a much better word. Runs in the family, I guess.

 

To top it all off, she said that if getting married on 08-08-08 can’t be possible then she’ll try again on 12-12-12. December 12, 2012. She’ll be 29 at that time. Personally, I’d like to get married somewhere in between like 10-10-10 (October 10, 2010) or 11-11-11 (November 11, 2011). But as you know, marriage is really not my thing. Some say I that I have a problem with commitment. Glares. I do not. It’s just that I haven’t found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Or maybe I did but it’s just not possible. Or maybe we both just don’t know it yet. Discussion closed.

 

 

P.S.

So…What ever happened to you and me?

thunder

{ June 18, 2008 @ 5:19 pm } · { Solitude }
{ Tags: , } · { Comments }

My friend Bambi introduced me to this song by Boys Like Girls and now I can’t seem to get the song out of my head. I’m hooked! Thanks bro! :)

Thunder
Boys Like Girls

Today is a winding road that’s taking me to places that I didn’t want to go
Today in the blink of an eye I’m holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I’m feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there’s a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don’t wanna ever love another
You’ll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don’t know
Today I’m on my own
I can’t move a muscle and I can’t pick up the phone
I don’t know (I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know)

And now I’m itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don’t wanna ever love another
You’ll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain

Yeah I’m walking on a tightrope
I’m wrapped up in vines
I think we’ll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road that’s taking me to places that I didn’t want to go
Whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don’t wanna ever love another
You’ll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder, and I said
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

this is for you. you know who you are…
 

pause to breathe

{ June 13, 2008 @ 4:07 pm } · { Solitude }
{ Tags: , , , , } · { Comments (3) }

In the last few minutes before this day draws into a close, I would just like to shout out to the world that I just turned 24 and very proud of it. Or not. Kidding. I’m 22. (whistles)

Just like the line in a song, “The best things in life are free.” Oh yeah. They sure are. I may not have had the best birthday party to top all birthday parties but I sure had a blast today. I am blessed to continue to live and be surrounded by people who love me. Kudos to my mom and dad and my brother too. They don’t even have to come bearing gifts. Their birthday greetings (texts, calls or verbal greetings) were so much better than any wrapped present I ever had.

Tomorrow, I’ll go back to my self loathing, job hunting hating persona. Hahaha!

rainy days

{ June 12, 2008 @ 5:04 pm } · { Uncategorized }
{ Tags: , , , , , } · { Comments }

I lurve the rainy days. The lightning (natural fireworks in the sky), the thunder (oohh sexayyyyy…) and of course the rhythmic sound that raindrops make. The angrier they fall, the better. But there’s just one thing i hate about rainy days.

Frogs.

Slimey, green little hopping monsters! I killed four of their kind today. I know, I know. Apologies to the Big Man up there. I respect the whole circle of life thing but this is too much. Hopping incessantly without a care in the world. Newslash. You’re in my property. Have a little respect. Hike up your skirts (if you have any, pfft!) then get the hell away from here.

Death Toll update: 5

I know why they’re invading me. They’re probably laughing at me for being a loser with no life. I’m going to say this only once so listen to me very carefully. I read this somewhere. Never take life seriously. You never get out of it alive anyway. And I do have a job. My job is to track down all them frogs out there and pound them till they are no more.

Geesh! Before anyone can peg me for being an insane loser, I take it back. I’m kidding. I love frogs. I love Kermit. He’s a sweetie.

Death Toll update: still 5…and counting!

By the way, happy birthday to me. I’ve been meaning to dance in the rain with only my birthday suit on but nah! Even slimey, green little hopping monsters don’t deserve that sight. too…hmm, what’s that word? Vile.

word of the day

{ June 11, 2008 @ 9:14 am } · { Word Nerd }
{ Tags: , } · { Comments }

I learned an interesting word today while we (my dad, mom and I) were on our way back from Toledo.

Furlough n.

- used mostly by soldiers as a preferred term over the usual leave of absence.

I learned this from my dad who is a retired soldier. So when somebody asks you where the hell you’ve been, just tell them, “I took my well deserved furlough.” Pretty cool, huh?

word of the day

{ June 6, 2008 @ 2:10 am } · { Word Nerd }
{ Tags: , , } · { Comments }

Lulz

Is a plural variation of L.O.L. or laugh out loud. Originally a typo which eventually evolved into something that means funny internet content or laughter at the expense of others.

Usually associated to the catchphrase, “I did it for the lulz” which is the mother of all excuses, the reason that could probably get you away with anything incriminating.

If somebody asks you why you decided to rob a liquor store, just tell them you did it for the lulz.

« Older entries